Tag: motivation

Captain America

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The hero – we all know of at least one, whether through fiction and fantasy or in real life. Anyone can be a hero, it is a matter of choice more than it is a role bestowed on someone. Like many other young gentlemen, I spent the better part of my childhood fantasizing about being a hero. How cool it would be to serve in the military, be a firefighter, or have super powers?

Growing up, I never seemed to have an answer to the question of “who is your role model?” and it made me feel like something was wrong with me. I (and many other men) certainly need a stable role model(s) during their youth, but how can you settle on a role model if you don’t quite know who you want to be in life. While I’ve found trouble answering the ‘role model’ question, using the frame of ‘the hero’ has given me the courage to never shy away from lending a hand or supporting someone in their time of need.

The problem with comic books and movies is that the heroes generally have some super-human abilities (or super-human wallets like Batman or Iron Man) whereas the real-life heroes have the same baseline ability as any other human on this planet. Superman surely can’t tire, but firefighters, surgeons, soldiers, lifeguards, cops, and nurses all over the world burn out every single day. We seem to forget that Steve Rogers, the first avenger, was once “just a kid from Brooklyn” who was bestowed with superpowers by the US government to better serve his country. While life isn’t a Marvel movie and we homo sapiens don’t possess super powers, we do leverage a different kind of power; willpower. The most human of powers – however useful – is a limited resource that can quickly deplete if we are not careful. Luckily, the promise to train and increase ones willpower is out there – from Tony Robbins to Psychology today, there are many guides to help us fortify our power of will.

There came a time in my life that I never saw coming; the day I realized I wasn’t a super hero. It was August 21st, 2021 and I was laying in a hospital bed in Eastern Long Island Hospital waiting for the diagnosis. I had been dealing with chest pains and heart palpitations for weeks (not COVID) which I attributed to stress. I woke up somewhere in the realm of 2:00 in the morning drenched in a cold sweat and it felt like a sumo wrestler was sitting on my chest, which was making it difficult to breathe. Considering my history with asthma, I knew it was most likely the onset of a panic attack, but I still had trouble breathing and working my way through it so I decided that I had to go to the ER. In an effort to not disturb my lady, I suggested driving myself to the hospital – to which she told me I was crazy and proceeded to drop me off anyway. Little did I realize that this very behavior and thought process was part of the root of my problem. Even in a moment where I was experiencing such discomfort and concern that I was willing to check myself into an emergency room I was putting the comfort and convenience of others over my own personal welfare, rather than asking for help when I needed it.

I remember the sheer serenity of being in a hospital at 3:00 AM on the eastern tip of Long Island. Despite the circumstances, it was one of the most quiet, peaceful, and reflective moments I had in some time. The nurse and resident MD informed me that everything was clear and all my vitals checked out – I was a healthy thirty-year-old man – but the nurse said something to me I never forgot. He told me that “I checked myself into the ER to relax” and that I need to take better care of myself. As it turns out, sleeping five hours per day, while working thirteen, and trying to study for a professional exam, maintain a fitness routine, all while trying to be a viable family man doesn’t quite add up.

The stresses in my life leading up to that moment were plenty – some internal, some external, some existential – but the physiological response was the same nonetheless… the hero in me shut down (along with some other “things”). Never in my life did I think I could act like a villain, but I certainly turned into one and I wasn’t proud of it – I wasn’t being my best self. I felt like I had lost my identity and self respect. It was at this point that I began acting more like a villain than a hero. I couldn’t possibly help anyone in that state and I wasn’t anyone that I would stand behind in a fight. The stable friend, the good son, the hard working employee, the thoughtful partner all require an abundance of positive internal energy in order to function effectively and I found myself depleted of it I because I forgot to prioritize my own needs.

Considering we’re all humans with the free will to choose who we want to be, we can all strive to be like Captain America (or Wonder Woman) but we must not forget that we also need to tend to the Steve Rogers or Diana Prince in us. A hero, taking a break from being a hero, is not quite a villain (although it’s certainly possible). Our work is written in history, however small the gesture. Generally neglecting your personal needs will only take away from your ability to bring your A-game to any endeavor – even a valient, purpose-driven one such as herosim. Noone wants a hero who isn’t also a hero to themselves – they are too volatile and act like the world owes them something in return; which defeats the purpose.

It would be understandably wrong if a fictional hero with superhuman abilities ever took a hiatus from being a hero, but the same can’t be said for our everyday heroes and heroines. For a majority of my years, I tried to be like Captain America for everyone around me and because of this, there was always one person I couldn’t quite be a hero to: myself. At this juncture of my life, I’ve learned that there are times when it’s okay to be “just a kid from Brooklyn” to others in order to focus on being the hero I’ve always needed in my own life. It’s through the caring, respecting, and loving of our own selves that we are able to mentally and physically recharge so we may carry our most heroic efforts forward. In that downtime – when we’re not being a hero to others – we create the opportunity in our lives to find a hero of our own.

I’d like to leave you with a a link to one of my favorite poems. I know it by heart and recite it from time to time when no one is around [with an Irish accent to boot].

The Guy in the Glass; Dale Wimbrow; 1934

Get a Grip

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How we define strength varies from person to person. Some people measure it by how much weight an individual can push or pull on a barbell and others place more value on emotional fortitude and the ability to withstand life’s stresses without breaking down or falling apart. No one is wrong about their opinions, strength isn’t black and white, it’s a matter of perception – where one places certain critical values. There are one-hundred pound girls that can be stronger, tougher, and more emotionally resilient than a 225 pound man. The definition of strength might be different for each and every person but one thing holds true for all of them. Strength…is where a person conquers weakness.

When it comes to conquering our weaknesses we tend to take the wrong approach and focus too much on what makes us weak. When we dwell on our weaknesses they create a black cloud that hovers above us and rains feelings of self doubt that only weigh us down. Eventually all our doubts and concerns become self-fulfilling prophecies on our reality and thence weaknesses and insecurities will end up taking over and beating us.

While we’re trying to fix what’s “wrong” with us we tend to forget about all of our strengths and the things that make us who we are. Everyone has weaknesses and battles them differently but in the same light everyone has strengths and how they embrace those strengths is also exclusive to one’s self.

Everyone eventually falls victim to their weaknesses and gets burned in some way or another but it is our strengths that allow us to rise from the ashes, like newborn Phoenixes with breathes of new life burning within us. Our strengths are the fire that fuels us and cause us to awaken to our true potential and turn any of our dreams into a tangible reality.

Perseverance and persistence are excellent traits to have but what if you are persisting on your weakness and continuing to engage with whatever it is that may be “hurting” you? You’ll hear people tell you to “hold on” or to “keep at it” and it will “eventually get better.” It is almost as if some people believe that a willingness and ability to hold on to something directly correlates with it’s likelihood of improvement. If a stock you hold a position in is tanking, what is your best bet? To hold onto it and cross your fingers, hoping that it bounces back? Or to get the fuck out of there and settle with your losses before it manifests into something you can’t possibly recover from? “Pain [might be] weakness leaving the body”, but it’s not all forms of pain that build character and strength. Holding onto something that hurts you does not necessarily make you stronger, sometimes it just desensitizes you and even though it’s still hurting you, you just don’t “feel it” so you assume it’s okay. You either stop caring, or stop hurting, or stop crying, but it’s still there, holding you back from bigger and better things.

Anything and anyone can bring you down. It can be an unfulfilling job where you hopelessly wait for a big raise, bonus, or promotion. It can be a relationship that puts more emotional stress on you than it does happiness and you’re just holding onto what is was in the past and not what it is presently. It can be your tendency to beat yourself up over all the things that are “wrong” with you. It can even be the fact that you ignore your own needs in an effort to please others. It can be any external force or it can be self inflicted.

In the battle against weaknesses it is sometimes just best to let go of them and pretend that they do not exist so you may focus on what is more important…your strengths. Whether you’re curling five pound dumbbells or holding the weight of the world on your shoulders, you are stronger than you can ever imagine and if you constantly dwell on your weaknesses you will only make them worse. If you’re ever feeling weak or hurt, don’t panic, just get a a grip of yourself and realize that as much a virtue persistence can be, it can require more strength to let go of something than it does to hold on to it.

Get a Grip

Posted on Posted in Stam's TakeTagged , , , Leave a comment

How we define strength varies from person to person. Some people measure it by how much weight an individual can push or pull on a barbell and others place more value on emotional fortitude and the ability to withstand life’s stresses without breaking down or falling apart. No one is wrong about their opinions, strength isn’t black and white, it’s a matter of perception – where one places certain critical values. There are one-hundred pound girls that can be stronger, tougher, and more emotionally resilient than a 225 pound man. The definition of strength might be different for each and every person but one thing holds true for all of them. Strength…is where a person conquers weakness.

When it comes to conquering our weaknesses we tend to take the wrong approach and focus too much on what makes us weak. When we perseverate on our weaknesses they create a black cloud that hovers above us and rains feelings of self doubt that only weigh us down. Eventually all your doubts and concerns become self-fulfilling prophecies on your reality and your weaknesses and insecurities will end up taking over and beating you.

While we’re trying to fix what’s “wrong” with us we tend to forget about all of our strengths and the things that make us who we are. Everyone has weaknesses and battles them differently but in the same light everyone has strengths and how they embrace those strengths is also exclusive to one’s self.

Everyone eventually falls victim to their weaknesses and gets burned in some way or another but it is our strengths that allow us to rise from the ashes, like newborn Phoenixes with breathes of new life burning within us. Our strengths are the fire that fuels us and cause us to awaken to our true potential and turn any of our dreams into a tangible reality.

Perseverance and persistence are excellent traits to have but what if you are persisting on your weakness and continuing to engage with whatever it is that may be “hurting” you? You’ll hear people tell you to “hold on” or to “keep at it” and it will “eventually get better.” It is almost as if some people believe that your willingness and ability to hold on to something directly correlates with it’s likelihood of improvement. If a stock you hold a position in is tanking, what is your best bet? To hold onto it and cross your fingers, hoping that it bounces back? Or to get the fuck out of there and settle with your losses before it manifests into something you can’t possibly recover from? “Pain [can be] weakness leaving the body”, but it’s not all forms of pain that build character and strength. Holding onto something that hurts you does not necessarily make you stronger, sometimes it just desensitizes you and even though it’s still hurting you, you just don’t “feel it” so you assume it’s okay. You either stop caring, or stop hurting, or stop crying, but it’s still there, holding you back from bigger and better things.

Anything and anyone can bring you down. It can be an unfulfilling job where you hopelessly wait for a big raise, bonus, or promotion. It can be a relationship that puts more emotional stress on you than it does happiness and you’re just holding onto what is was in the past and not what it is presently. It can be your tendency to beat yourself up over all the things that are “wrong” with you. It can even be the fact that you ignore your own needs in an effort to please others. It can be any external force or it can be self inflicted.

In the battle against weaknesses it is sometimes just best to let go of them and pretend that they do not exist so you may focus on what is more important…your strengths. Whether you’re curling five pound dumbbells or holding the weight of the world on your shoulders, you are stronger than you can ever imagine and if you constantly hover over your weaknesses you will only make them worse. If you’re ever feeling weak or hurt, don’t panic, just get a a grip of yourself and realize that as much a virtue persistence can be, it can require more strength to let go of something than it does to hold on to it.