The hero – we all know of at least one, whether through fiction and fantasy or in real life. Anyone can be a hero, it is a matter of choice more than it is a role bestowed on someone. Like many other young gentlemen, I spent the better part of my childhood fantasizing about being a hero. How cool it would be to serve in the military, be a firefighter, or have super powers?
Growing up, I never seemed to have an answer to the question of “who is your role model?” and it made me feel like something was wrong with me. I (and many other men) certainly need a stable role model(s) during their youth, but how can you settle on a role model if you don’t quite know who you want to be in life. While I’ve found trouble answering the ‘role model’ question, using the frame of ‘the hero’ has given me the courage to never shy away from lending a hand or supporting someone in their time of need.
The problem with comic books and movies is that the heroes generally have some super-human abilities (or super-human wallets like Batman or Iron Man) whereas the real-life heroes have the same baseline ability as any other human on this planet. Superman surely can’t tire, but firefighters, surgeons, soldiers, lifeguards, cops, and nurses all over the world burn out every single day. We seem to forget that Steve Rogers, the first avenger, was once “just a kid from Brooklyn” who was bestowed with superpowers by the US government to better serve his country. While life isn’t a Marvel movie and we homo sapiens don’t possess super powers, we do leverage a different kind of power; willpower. The most human of powers – however useful – is a limited resource that can quickly deplete if we are not careful. Luckily, the promise to train and increase ones willpower is out there – from Tony Robbins to Psychology today, there are many guides to help us fortify our power of will.
There came a time in my life that I never saw coming; the day I realized I wasn’t a super hero. It was August 21st, 2021 and I was laying in a hospital bed in Eastern Long Island Hospital waiting for the diagnosis. I had been dealing with chest pains and heart palpitations for weeks (not COVID) which I attributed to stress. I woke up somewhere in the realm of 2:00 in the morning drenched in a cold sweat and it felt like a sumo wrestler was sitting on my chest, which was making it difficult to breathe. Considering my history with asthma, I knew it was most likely the onset of a panic attack, but I still had trouble breathing and working my way through it so I decided that I had to go to the ER. In an effort to not disturb my lady, I suggested driving myself to the hospital – to which she told me I was crazy and proceeded to drop me off anyway. Little did I realize that this very behavior and thought process was part of the root of my problem. Even in a moment where I was experiencing such discomfort and concern that I was willing to check myself into an emergency room I was putting the comfort and convenience of others over my own personal welfare, rather than asking for help when I needed it.
I remember the sheer serenity of being in a hospital at 3:00 AM on the eastern tip of Long Island. Despite the circumstances, it was one of the most quiet, peaceful, and reflective moments I had in some time. The nurse and resident MD informed me that everything was clear and all my vitals checked out – I was a healthy thirty-year-old man – but the nurse said something to me I never forgot. He told me that “I checked myself into the ER to relax” and that I need to take better care of myself. As it turns out, sleeping five hours per day, while working thirteen, and trying to study for a professional exam, maintain a fitness routine, all while trying to be a viable family man doesn’t quite add up.
The stresses in my life leading up to that moment were plenty – some internal, some external, some existential – but the physiological response was the same nonetheless… the hero in me shut down (along with some other “things”). Never in my life did I think I could act like a villain, but I certainly turned into one and I wasn’t proud of it – I wasn’t being my best self. I felt like I had lost my identity and self respect. It was at this point that I began acting more like a villain than a hero. I couldn’t possibly help anyone in that state and I wasn’t anyone that I would stand behind in a fight. The stable friend, the good son, the hard working employee, the thoughtful partner all require an abundance of positive internal energy in order to function effectively and I found myself depleted of it I because I forgot to prioritize my own needs.
Considering we’re all humans with the free will to choose who we want to be, we can all strive to be like Captain America (or Wonder Woman) but we must not forget that we also need to tend to the Steve Rogers or Diana Prince in us. A hero, taking a break from being a hero, is not quite a villain (although it’s certainly possible). Our work is written in history, however small the gesture. Generally neglecting your personal needs will only take away from your ability to bring your A-game to any endeavor – even a valient, purpose-driven one such as herosim. Noone wants a hero who isn’t also a hero to themselves – they are too volatile and act like the world owes them something in return; which defeats the purpose.
It would be understandably wrong if a fictional hero with superhuman abilities ever took a hiatus from being a hero, but the same can’t be said for our everyday heroes and heroines. For a majority of my years, I tried to be like Captain America for everyone around me and because of this, there was always one person I couldn’t quite be a hero to: myself. At this juncture of my life, I’ve learned that there are times when it’s okay to be “just a kid from Brooklyn” to others in order to focus on being the hero I’ve always needed in my own life. It’s through the caring, respecting, and loving of our own selves that we are able to mentally and physically recharge so we may carry our most heroic efforts forward. In that downtime – when we’re not being a hero to others – we create the opportunity in our lives to find a hero of our own.
I’d like to leave you with a a link to one of my favorite poems. I know it by heart and recite it from time to time when no one is around [with an Irish accent to boot].
The Guy in the Glass; Dale Wimbrow; 1934
The Chronicles of Stam 