Grafted

For thousands of years, there’s really only been one way to grow a tree; seed and soil meet under the right conditions, set root, and grow over many years into beautiful natural works of highly functional art.

Today, across the broad scope of the $100 Billion landscaping industry, buying, moving, and transplanting a 25-year-old ash tree from one coast of Long Island to another would set you back roughly $20,000. A relatively small price to pay for the elite segment of the market where five-million-dollar tree budgets aren’t unheard of for some estates.

Don’t worry, this isn’t about some rich blokes and their “brand new” 45-year-old oak trees; it’s about a special tree in my life and simple lesson. The tree, planted over two decades ago by my grandfather, came long before the lesson – something that dawned on me only recently – but like any revelation in life, the answers may always be there but it’s only when we notice them that we accept them into our lives as truths.

When my parents bought their humble home in Brooklyn and became homeowners, my grandfather Stanley (παππού Στέλιο) planted a pear tree in our (now my parents) yard. What was unique about this pear tree though, was that it would produce three different varieties of pear when it reached its fruit bearing years. I’ll be the first to confirm that no single pear seed, regardless of conditions, would ever grow into a tree that produces three varieties of fruit. This tree though, was grafted, by my grandfather’s own hands. Grafting is a common and “modern” method of horticulture whereby branches and saplings of genetically identical trees can be attached to healthy root stocks to grow upon. The grape vines of the wine producing industry in America for instance, regardless of grape varietal, are grafted onto one of three rootstocks which have proved healthy, stable, and blight-resistant over the years). For some DIY artisans, like my grandfather, grafting presented the opportunity to grow three types of pears on a single root stock which occupied less real estate in the high price/SQFT land of Brooklyn.

A family tree, like any tree, has traditionally taken root and grown over many generations. The lesson learned from my grandfather came to me at a time when I struggled with the idea of creating my own family tree. God knows my family, however quirky the affection dynamics can feel at times, at its core, is a healthy rootstock worthy of building a family on. It’s with their open hearts and loving attitudes that made it easy for me to bring a few extra gems to this family.

On my wedding day last September, I married three people at once. My beautiful wife and partner along with her two lovely, amazing children. Now that we’re grafted on a single rootstock, it’s time to build a future and home together; a home where we grow Greek pears, Russians pears, and the long-anticipated Greco-Russian hybrid. Family is family no matter which way you plant it, and it’s made with love, effort, faith, and a little bit of creativity. In the end, no one really cares how many varieties of pear you grow, or how many root stocks they come from – they just want to know what kind of ice cream you’re serving the pear tarts with at Thanksgiving dinner.

Captain America

The hero – we all know of at least one, whether through fiction and fantasy or in real life. Anyone can be a hero, it is a matter of choice more than it is a role bestowed on someone. Like many other young gentlemen, I spent the better part of my childhood fantasizing about being a hero. How cool it would be to serve in the military, be a firefighter, or have super powers?

Growing up, I never seemed to have an answer to the question of “who is your role model?” and it made me feel like something was wrong with me. I (and many other men) certainly need a stable role model(s) during their youth, but how can you settle on a role model if you don’t quite know who you want to be in life. While I’ve found trouble answering the ‘role model’ question, using the frame of ‘the hero’ has given me the courage to never shy away from lending a hand or supporting someone in their time of need.

The problem with comic books and movies is that the heroes generally have some super-human abilities (or super-human wallets like Batman or Iron Man) whereas the real-life heroes have the same baseline ability as any other human on this planet. Superman surely can’t tire, but firefighters, surgeons, soldiers, lifeguards, cops, and nurses all over the world burn out every single day. We seem to forget that Steve Rogers, the first avenger, was once “just a kid from Brooklyn” who was bestowed with superpowers by the US government to better serve his country. While life isn’t a Marvel movie and we homo sapiens don’t possess super powers, we do leverage a different kind of power; willpower. The most human of powers – however useful – is a limited resource that can quickly deplete if we are not careful. Luckily, the promise to train and increase ones willpower is out there – from Tony Robbins to Psychology today, there are many guides to help us fortify our power of will.

There came a time in my life that I never saw coming; the day I realized I wasn’t a super hero. It was August 21st, 2021 and I was laying in a hospital bed in Eastern Long Island Hospital waiting for the diagnosis. I had been dealing with chest pains and heart palpitations for weeks (not COVID) which I attributed to stress. I woke up somewhere in the realm of 2:00 in the morning drenched in a cold sweat and it felt like a sumo wrestler was sitting on my chest, which was making it difficult to breathe. Considering my history with asthma, I knew it was most likely the onset of a panic attack, but I still had trouble breathing and working my way through it so I decided that I had to go to the ER. In an effort to not disturb my lady, I suggested driving myself to the hospital – to which she told me I was crazy and proceeded to drop me off anyway. Little did I realize that this very behavior and thought process was part of the root of my problem. Even in a moment where I was experiencing such discomfort and concern that I was willing to check myself into an emergency room I was putting the comfort and convenience of others over my own personal welfare, rather than asking for help when I needed it.

I remember the sheer serenity of being in a hospital at 3:00 AM on the eastern tip of Long Island. Despite the circumstances, it was one of the most quiet, peaceful, and reflective moments I had in some time. The nurse and resident MD informed me that everything was clear and all my vitals checked out – I was a healthy thirty-year-old man – but the nurse said something to me I never forgot. He told me that “I checked myself into the ER to relax” and that I need to take better care of myself. As it turns out, sleeping five hours per day, while working thirteen, and trying to study for a professional exam, maintain a fitness routine, all while trying to be a viable family man doesn’t quite add up.

The stresses in my life leading up to that moment were plenty – some internal, some external, some existential – but the physiological response was the same nonetheless… the hero in me shut down (along with some other “things”). Never in my life did I think I could act like a villain, but I certainly turned into one and I wasn’t proud of it – I wasn’t being my best self. I felt like I had lost my identity and self respect. It was at this point that I began acting more like a villain than a hero. I couldn’t possibly help anyone in that state and I wasn’t anyone that I would stand behind in a fight. The stable friend, the good son, the hard working employee, the thoughtful partner all require an abundance of positive internal energy in order to function effectively and I found myself depleted of it I because I forgot to prioritize my own needs.

Considering we’re all humans with the free will to choose who we want to be, we can all strive to be like Captain America (or Wonder Woman) but we must not forget that we also need to tend to the Steve Rogers or Diana Prince in us. A hero, taking a break from being a hero, is not quite a villain (although it’s certainly possible). Our work is written in history, however small the gesture. Generally neglecting your personal needs will only take away from your ability to bring your A-game to any endeavor – even a valient, purpose-driven one such as herosim. Noone wants a hero who isn’t also a hero to themselves – they are too volatile and act like the world owes them something in return; which defeats the purpose.

It would be understandably wrong if a fictional hero with superhuman abilities ever took a hiatus from being a hero, but the same can’t be said for our everyday heroes and heroines. For a majority of my years, I tried to be like Captain America for everyone around me and because of this, there was always one person I couldn’t quite be a hero to: myself. At this juncture of my life, I’ve learned that there are times when it’s okay to be “just a kid from Brooklyn” to others in order to focus on being the hero I’ve always needed in my own life. It’s through the caring, respecting, and loving of our own selves that we are able to mentally and physically recharge so we may carry our most heroic efforts forward. In that downtime – when we’re not being a hero to others – we create the opportunity in our lives to find a hero of our own.


I’d like to leave you with a a link to one of my favorite poems. I know it by heart and recite it from time to time when no one is around [with an Irish accent to boot].

The Guy in the Glass; Dale Wimbrow; 1934

Memories in the Making

The former COO of a firm I worked at asked me point-blank at his farewell dinner “what are you?” and I stood there, confused by his question. “What is Stamatis?” he re-iterated…I ended up giving a canned answer about being a can-do, hard-working, dependable guy but spent a lot of time thinking about it after dinner because the question threw me off guard. Here was an incredibly accomplished COO stepping into retirement, asking me a question outside of the realm of corporate normalcy. When he came back at me with “we are all consciousness” I realized that he had probably fully checked out of his role and must have had one-too-many at dinner. I did appreciate his question and answer though, more so because it finally wasn’t work related.

In retrospect, the answer is clear as day; I am a memory in the making. We are the stories people tell about us; dead or alive. The best jobs, universities, and opportunities usually require character references in order to be considered. We tend to ask those who we believe would tell the best versions of the honest story of who we are and what we do best. Each and every one of us is writing our own story but with each action we take, we inspire – good or bad – the stories of others. In aggregate, it’s called history – but history is nothing more than a composition of shared stories of humans being their most impactful selves.

They say that when someone passes away, it’s better to ask their loved ones to tell you a story about the person they lost rather than try to share with them how you felt about them. It’s because those memories are the only things they have left to help lift their spirits. The stories you share or create with others build a library of content that create the eternal character of who you are. I still remember when my grandfather [Stamati] in Greece was dying of cancer almost a decade ago. I made every last-minute rushed arrangement to visit him after I caught wind that he didn’t have much time left, but I still didn’t make it in time. “It’s better you did not come” my father told me, “you don’t want to spoil the memory. He is not the [grandfather] you remember.” Stubbornly, I didn’t understand the value in that statement at the time; I just wanted to see my grandfather. In hindsight though, I have nothing but positive and happy memories and have only seen him (and can only remember him) as a healthy old man.

I have a unique story to share. A story I did not remember until someone else reminded me of it. In high school, I noticed a fellow class mate of mine limping. I grabbed a hold of him and helped him along his way for as long as I could. Despite how much time I spent with him, I forgot about it as the months passed. It was instinctual for me to help him out and a normal frame of operation for my life so I didn’t think much of it. It seems though, that the receiver of my help did not forget about it, and he actually surprised me almost ten years later with a Facebook message (after not having said much to each other since that occurrence) telling me how grateful he was for my help and that other people just walked passed him. I can’t tell you how much it blew me away to receive a random note like this. One simple action from my past came full circle to remind me that all we are all nothing but the memories we leave in our wake.

With time, any material good we can buy withers to dust but words, emotions, memories, and the impact we have on others have the capacity to be eternal. If we actively choose not to waste our time and devote our energies to thoughtlessly giving and thoughtfully taking, we will naturally create future memories of ourselves in others. Each of us is writing a story, directing a movie, living and ego-narrated tale of our own making. Ink fades, film archives can burn, but the memories we help create and feelings we inspire in others are all we ever truly leave behind.

The Slow Death of the American Gentleman

“I know I can talk a lot and have a shit ton of advice you’ll probably never listen to” I told him “but if there is one thing I can tell you that I hope you take away from me, it’s that the demand for a gentleman will never go away.” I was talking to my little cousin, who at the age of sixteen was one of the best dressed men at the wedding we were attending Saturday night. He looked the part, but is too young and shy to play it; little man wants to “be cool.” I had spent the hour or two prior to our conversation eating, drinking, mingling and whatever else you’re supposed do at a wedding but at the same time I was secretly observing everyone in the room; the women for obvious reasons and the men because I was curious to see how many of them were affected by this epidemic among us.

It seems that there is an inverse relationship between the passing of time and the presence of gentlemen in our culture, and their number is exponentially decreasing. I can only assume this has occurred slowly over a series of decades because there is no way all these assholes popped  out of thin air.

I was nitpicking the room, taking note of every word and gesture I heard and saw come from these men and even though they couldn’t hear me, I was talking to all of them in my thoughts. If only I had the opportunity to take a few pictures to better exhibit my points of concern. I was at a wedding after all, shouldn’t people portray their best selves?

So nice of you to hold the door for your wife sir. It’s alright I guess, …she does seem used to it.”

Your face is way to close to your plate right now…it’s the main course and you’re bopping for apples; this is also exclusive of the fact that you’re right next to your girlfriend whom is not eating… I bet a certain someone is getting lucky tonight!!

I can see you across the room making a big boob gesture with your hands as you cup your imaginary double D’s in front of your friend…need I say more?

Your date is dancing in her chair, glancing at the dance floor every five seconds. Do you have any idea how much I am aching to offer her my hand to actually dance with her? It’s frolicking to Pitbull, not the waltz, get your ass up and show her a good time. You can do it, I have faith.

Did I just hear you say the word “pussy”? Did you just call someone a “pussy”? Why is that word even in your lexicon? The music is making my eardrums bleed and I just heard you say that. Do you have any idea the physiological resilience and fortitude that the female reproductive organs posses? I have a real urge to slap you in the mouth. 

You fellas, at the bar…the name cards in the lobby when you walk in have table numbers on them. I understand your tendency to drink your social discomfort away but I would like a drink as would the line of people waiting behind me…

These thoughts didn’t stop for at least an hour, some resonated more than others, but overall I found myself sitting at my table with a sense of disappointment washing over me as I wondered “Where did all the gentlemen go?” And just as I thought myself immune to this epidemic, I caught myself licking the small amount of stray gravy that managed to latch itself onto my upper lip after I took a bite of my medium-rare filet only to realize that we all fall victim to some degree or another and that I should have discreetly used the napkin sitting on my lap…

There were a few gentlemen in the room, but none of them were in any proximity to my age group, so in my disappointment and exhaustion I decided to temporarily exit the room in an effort to go find an empty bridal suite to take a nap in; there was nothing to see there anyway. As I walked out into the lobby I overheard a group of young men talking about one of the guy’s immaculate tie knot and he was grateful for their compliment but proceeded to say “It’s not bad I guess, but I don’t have the right collar for it, I need the spread” as he pointed to one of the other men’s collars. I smiled to myself as I walked passed them because that was the affirmation that I was looking for; that gentlemen are out there but they are increasingly harder to find. I revert to what I told my little cousin; there will never be a loss in demand for a gentleman because their supply is slowly but surely decreasing. This wedding was not the first time I thought this but rather a testing ground for my theory and if you take some time to observe those around you, there is no limit to what you may hear or see, and let’s not pretend that the the modern-day lady is any easier to find.

Playing with Fire

One Friday, in early November, I was in eastern Long Island for the night, sitting beside some of my closest friends in front of a fire I had put together; simply enjoying the silence among us as we gazed at the dancing flames. Around two o’clock in the morning, after tending to the fire for a few hours, it dawned on me that despite my undying love for fire, I have never really written anything about it exclusively…unless you count Candlelight

If you played a part in my childhood, you already know that I was a little bit of a “pyromaniac” and some of the most memorable and exciting moments in my life involve fire or variations of it. I still vividly remember the first time I saw gun powder in action – at the age of seven – as my older cousin blew up a bottle of Bubble Jug in my back yard. By the age of ten I had learned that there were a number of household chemicals that are highly combustive and when used in a certain manner could yield someone…a flamethrower.

My uncle always reminds me that I was the only child he’d ever met that used the word “accelerant” when he was looking for some assistance to start a fire. To this day, I remember the pride I felt as a twelve year old cub scout when my cousin and I were the only scouts in our “Firem’n Chit” class to conquer the challenge of building a fire using nothing more than two matches (the “instructors” probably used over thirty and a quarter bottle of lighter fluid). In my Junior year of high school, during English class, we took a written assessment that told us which jobs we would excel at most and among the fifty-plus results we each received, nothing was able to surpass the level of excitement I felt as I read the words “bomb technician” on the list. I was astonished; partially because I couldn’t believe it was actually a viable result on a high school career assessment and also in part because it was something I’d always “dabbled in” as an adolescent. By the age of twenty I was planning, organizing, and executing firework shows in Eastern Long Island for my family during 4th of July weekend and sometimes the weekends of Labor day and Memorial Day (permissible by budget).

Today, I don’t partake in any of the above activities, but still indulge in the occasional campfire when the opportunity presents itself, as it did on that warm Friday in November, when I built one of the most beautiful fires I had ever built in my life. It was a fire that stayed with me long after I left its presence; it’s heat still on my face hours later. I can feel it’s warmth on me now as I write this very note.

“Feeding a fire is a huge responsibility” my uncle told us as he sat in the row of people to the left of me in front of the fire (he was talking to the rest of the group). “I’ve seen a lot of fires in my lifetime and this might be one of the best ones in the past five years I’d say” he addressed to me. I agreed with him. Not only in the sense that this was a great fire, but the fact that tending to a fire is a great responsibility. A fire isn’t just a pile of hot burning wood, it is an entity that encompasses most of the characteristics of living things and is anything but lifeless. Fires, like humans, need oxygen and food in order to survive. They are hugely temperamental and can go from tamed domestic pet to wild ferocious animal in the blink of an eye. Fires can create energy for cities and promote life, but they can also burn everything down and reduce an entire population to ashes.

Shortly after we arrived I snuck out of the house while all the guys were busy catching up on things and setting up all the essentials (beers, burgers, and the like) and walked over to the fire pit to clean it out and make sure that it was ready for me to start building the foundation of my fire (1). I wanted to do it alone; setting up a fire is therapeutic for me. I forget about everything and simply focus on the task at hand. I put a lot of attention into it because it is a selfless task. A fire brings people together and provides warmth, it’s not something you do for yourself 99% of the time.

Then I proceeded to collect a variety of wood that consisted of tinder, kindling, and fuel (2). Tinder would be your smallest pieces of wood, think twigs, brush, and small branches. Much like the popular and superficial dating app, tinder burns hot and fast and is virtually incapable of building a sustainable fire; you use it only as a starter. Kindling consists of thicker branches usually one-to-two inches in diameter which can be used to support your fire and upon strategic placement can move burning fire to a neglected area. If fire was a relationship, kindling would be the flowers-for-no-reason, a home-cooked candlelit dinner, or a spontaneous weekend getaway; kindling feeds the fire and keeps it going. Finally, you need fuel. Fuel are the fat logs or split pieces of wood you think of when you imagine a fire. They are the foundation and structure of a fire, they will burn long after your kindling and tinder do. Fuel is added relatively infrequently compared to the other woods, but it burns the longest and provides the most sustainability. Fuel, in some ways, is a mile stone; your fire needs to be ready for it. Too much, too soon will only drown your fire and prevent oxygen from flowing through it. You need a combination of all three types of wood in order to create a good fire.

After gathering some wood myself, my friends discovered that I was outside and came to help, beers in hand. Despite my inital plan to do it alone, it is always nice when you have the support of a few of your best friends behind you. Two of the guys gathered more wood and neatly piled it off to the side; a safe distance from the fire (3). My uncle ran off to the garage on a quest for some…”accelerant” (4). Someone else set up the hose and a bucket of water for added safety precaution (5) and I started building my fire (6). Everyone has their own way of doing it and my uncle and I briefly debated the topic, but since I took the initiative on this, we were doing it my way. I took my time constructing it, all while hearing the guys complain about how long it was taking me (precisely why I do it alone), and my uncle anxiously waiting for me to finish so he could douse it in gasoline…..not quite the “accelerant” we were expecting but it worked….to each their own.

It is funny how much you can decipher about a person’s character by the way that they build a fire. Some people enjoy watching a fire blaze and roar so hot and high that it fills their eyes with light and blasts their bodies with heat; but those fires tend to be short lived and you’ll waste a ton of resources in an effort to sustain them. After the blaze is gone, you will feel even colder than you did before. Some people enjoy hovering around the embers of a dormant fire because it still provides all the heat one needs without the risk and uncertainty of dancing flames. You can get much closer to a cluster of embers than you can a blazing fire. Despite all the different preferences for forms of fire, a true master fire builder has one goal and it is neither blaze nor ember, it is longevity. Building a great fire that lasts is far more fulfilling than any hot blaze or sleeping ember. Anyone can throw leaves or gasoline into a fire and watch them burn, but it takes a lot of skill, persistence, patience, and responsibility to build and tend to a fire that provides lasting warmth.

Within a short few minutes we were all sitting in front of the fire, telling stories, drinking beers, listening to music, and forgetting about everything else in existence. It was an opportunity for all of us to bond and unwind after a long week. I frequently got up to feed the fire or move a few logs around in order to get more oxygen running through it so it could burn better and it almost felt like I was dancing with it. Winds change, wood crackles and falls, and fire is always moving; it can be very temperamental but as long as you understand the basic principles of managing a fire, it will never get out of control. I knew it was a great fire from the moment I caught myself staring directly into the center of it for twenty minutes in pure silence but that is not why I knew it was a great fire; it was because all of the other hadn’t said a word in twenty minutes either. We were all lost in our minds, staring at the dancing flames, dreaming our own dreams, and all I could think of as I stared deep into the heart of this fire was how many lessons fire has actually taught me. I looked down to see that it was a little past 2:00 AM and it was then that I decided my next blog post would be about the art of building a fire. I stood up to go and tend to the fire some more and the guys started talking again. As I turned to walk back to my seat and sit back down I heard my uncle say to me “I’ve seen a lot of fires in my lifetime and this might be one of the best ones in the past five years I’d say.” The man is a few years my senior, and I’m sure he’s seen some great fires, but this fire, on that November night, was my Olympic flame and Zeus himself couldn’t take it from me.

Maybe this isn’t all about building a fire and it is about sustaining passion in one’s life or nurturing relationships. Maybe playing with fire all my life wasn’t such a bad thing as it taught me many lessons despite the occasional burn or two. Maybe this has to do with everyone’s fire, whether it is intrinsic, extrinsic, or physically right in front of them. Maybe I didn’t just light one fire that day. Despite all of this hypothetical speculation, fire, no matter where it physically or metaphorically resides, can only be sustained for the long term using the simple principles above. Even if a fire has been reduced to its embers, it can still be reignited with a little bit of patience, persistence, and effort but if you wait too long and it burns out, you’ll be left with petrified wood that can never be reignited and the only hope is that you place it somewhere safe and a tree will someday grow in its place.

Success (1/3): The Janitor [Short Story]

The Janitor

By: Stamatis Kakleas

“Sweeping floors isn’t rocket science” he thought, as he flipped through job postings in his local newspaper. It was an advertisement was for a full-time position as a janitor at well-known museum in New York City near central park. He was in his early twenties and hadn’t made the best decisions through his life; it was time to get his act together. Growing up he didn’t have that source of inspiration like others seemed to have in their everyday lives. It didn’t necessarily bother him, but without anything to motivate him, he didn’t have that essential “need” to move forward – he wasn’t driven. He’d always dreamt of finding something that inspired him; but for now he just needed a paying job. “Seems legit” he said to himself; so he called to inquire about the position. After the manager of the museum told him more about the role he decided he would give it a try. He was a “clean freak” and a bit of a perfectionist, so keeping a museum clean would practically be second nature to him. “See you tomorrow.” said the manager of the museum to him and he hung up the phone. He paused to contemplate for a moment if this was a good decision. He was applying to be a janitor after all, not the kind of work you would brag about to all your friends and family.

He headed to the museum for his first day. He was nervous when he walked through the main corridor; the museum was flooded with beautiful works of art but he paid little attention to them. The artwork was of no interest to him, he never understood why people would pay outrageous sums of money for paintings; there was “nothing really special about them anyway” he thought. He admired the hard work and talent required to produce a piece of art but he was there to clean, not to observe artwork. In his opinion, it was the patrons of the museum that were the people paying to be there, not the employees.

His first day was just a basic introduction to the museum’s policies and processes and he simply shadowed one of the other janitors during their shift. He was anxious to get started but they didn’t let him get his hands dirty immediately. After two or three days of hands-on training, he was ready to go. Within a few weeks, the person who trained him had left and by his third month he was one of the few janitors left. Without enough time to season properly, he had to assume more shifts and more responsibilities. Even though he hadn’t been there for long and the museum was still somewhat of a maze to him, he tended to his duties immaculately. There wasn’t a speck of dust, fingerprint, or stray piece of garbage to be found anywhere in the museum. A true perfectionist and master in the art of cleaning. He took much pride in his work. All the showcases were always remarkably clear, the floors flawlessly swept, and a single grain never in sight. He was an artist in his very own way.

His art was never admired in the same manner that all of the other works of art were in the museum. Ironically, his “artwork” affected each piece of art in the museum yet he never received any of the glory for it. The museum’s visitors weren’t aware of the fact that without him all the exhibits wouldn’t have been nearly as elegant or appealing as they were without his daily work. He was their caretaker; it was his job to make sure they were in pristine condition and nothing could pose as a potential distraction to the passing observers of these exhibits.

After a few months, the museum finally became a place he liked to call home. The layout of the museum was as familiar as the back of his hand; he could make his way through it backwards and blindfolded. He knew which areas accumulated the most waste, which exhibits collected the most fingerprints, and where to go if he needed a moment to himself. His managers thanked him for his work from time to time, his coworkers felt more like friends than colleagues, and he enjoyed watching all of the spectators that visited the museum on a daily basis. Even though working at the museum was interesting, something was still missing. He pursued perfection in his work but never quite found it; as if there was a void inside him that needed to be filled. Each day he worked harder, hoping someone would notice, but eventually even the compliments of his colleagues and superiors weren’t enough. He was seeking something “more”, something that even he had no understanding or insight as to what it was. He had been working hard, maybe over-working himself, he thought, so he decided to take a short vacation from work and venture to warmer weather. He was starting to feel bored and a week or two of time off would potentially “recharge his batteries”.

Upon his return to the museum, he noticed that they had changed a few of the exhibits around and things weren’t quite where he had left them. As he walked through the halls he felt a sense of excitement fall over him. It was like an adventure, he felt like he was in a different museum all together. He knew all the exhibits were the same but he looked at them just a little bit differently. He made sure to notice little details he hadn’t before; changing the sequence with which he observed the paintings. Then it happened; he felt it like a rush of new blood shooting straight through his veins. From the moment he turned his head he found himself staring motionless at a painting, tingling with an unfamiliar sensation. He was completely captured by its beauty, mesmerized by its elegance, and frozen in disbelief by its sheer existence. He didn’t know how to react; all he was able do was stare and wonder how this whole time he could’ve missed such a beautiful work of art. It was right under his nose the whole time yet he was oblivious to it until this very moment. He almost felt disappointed that he hadn’t noticed before; it seemed to lift him off of his feet. He couldn’t believe how a painting could make him feel this way. Time froze and his body was in a temporary state of paralysis, he couldn’t blink, he couldn’t speak; he couldn’t even compose a single logical thought. The only thing he could feel at that very instant was the sensation that this work of art brought upon him. A blanket of euphoria had been pulled over him. He felt relieved, he felt motivated, and for the first time in a long time….he felt alive. The dwindling fire within him had just been reignited by this painting. He couldn’t explain it, he couldn’t put it in words, he could only embrace the feeling that it gave him.

“Pretty isn’t she” whispered a co-worker who crept up behind him; snapping him out of his trance. He blushed immediately, turning red like a plum tomato. “Just pretty?” he thought to himself. He felt slightly insulted by the person’s comment but could not say anything because he knew it was of good and harmless intent. So he replied with a simple “yes” and his co-worker moved on with his daily routine. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen” he whispered to himself. It was a painting of a woman resting her head on a window pane. He could only see the vague reflection of her eyes as she stared outward, but even though she was looking out the window, he felt like her reflection was looking directly at him. He quickly approached the painting to read its description.

Untitled.
Artist: Unknown
Origin: Unknown

That was all there was on the painting’s information panel. It was a mystery and for the rest of the day he couldn’t take his mind off it. He couldn’t believe how much beauty could exist in such a simple object. He let the thoughts of this painting stir through him for the rest of the day; embracing every emotion it made him feel. From the moment his eyes connected with it, work was never the same again.

He began arriving to the museum thirty minutes earlier than required just so that he could spend some time to reflect upon the panting in the mornings before any one else arrived. It intrigued him and he couldn’t understand why he felt so attracted to it. It seemed to absorb his gaze, occupy his every thought, and affect his imagination in ways he never thought possible. Even when he wasn’t standing in front of it he would think about it. It gave him a feeling of purpose; it motivated him. Without incentive he worked harder, without request he did more, without even noticing he was becoming a better man.

Each day he spent at the museum he developed a deeper connection with this painting. He would become disappointed in people who failed to acknowledge its beauty, as if they were insulting him. When spectators stood in front of it he felt as if he was the artist himself and they were admiring his work. If anyone came close to touching it he would shout at them or get angry at the disregard people had for the museum’s rules. He felt like it was his obligation to protect it, as if he was its newfound guardian. He felt a sense of belonging when he was in front of it, just standing and staring. Something was missing though, because whenever he approached it, even if he was alone, he felt separated from it. Standing only inches away, he would look down and see nothing but a thin cable on the floor marking the virtual barrier in between him and his painting. There was nothing stopping him, he could have easily brushed the canvas with his fingers to feel the grain and texture of the paint, he could’ve even kissed it if he wanted to, but he knew not to. He knew that the line on the ground meant that touching the painting was not allowed; so he refrained. Even though he admired the painting’s beauty, he knew he had to obey the museum’s rules and that he was forbidden from touching it.

As the weeks rolled on, the museum became so crowded that he didn’t have many opportunities, other than his mornings, to sit with the painting. He wanted to stare at it alone but he couldn’t; his work and the crowds occupied the time he could have spent with it. He wanted more than just a morning; he wanted as much time as possible. It had made all of the other works of art in the museum obsolete, as if it had drained them of their beauty and kept it for itself. All the other paintings were simply colors, layered on a canvas, while this painting, this simple oil-on-canvas, was an essence of his being.

He eventually realized his increasing need to see the painting and had to plot a way to find more time to spend with it. One day, during his break, he overheard a few colleagues talking about how management was in desperate need for someone to take the night shift. They needed someone to wax the floors because the current guy wasn’t doing a good enough job. He became filled with excitement at the thought except there was one problem; he had never waxed a floor before in his life. He wasn’t going to let that stop him though, so he went to his manager to inquire about the night shift.

“Have you ever even waxed a floor before” asked his manager with a slightly condescending laugh. Being the honest person he was he admittedly said “No, but if you give me three days I’ll wax floors better than anyone you’ve ever seen.” Astonished by the janitor’s proposition and curious to see if he was bluffing, the manager decided to give him three days off of work to fulfill his promise; effective immediately. The janitor smiled and walked away. Before he exited the museum he made one final stop to the painting to say his temporary farewell.

For three days he did all the research he possibly could on waxing floors, he never thought it could be such a science. He would sit in his apartment and work through the motions of handling the floor buffer using his laundry hamper and a computer chair. Occasionally he would stop and stare at an empty space on his wall, wishing that the painting was there. He knew that it was impossible for him to ever have the painting entirely to himself but it is perfectly normal for a man to dream.

When he returned to work in three days he showcased his new skills and his manager couldn’t believe it. In less than seventy-two hours he had become impressively skilled without ever having touched an actual waxing machine. It was a few hours past the museum’s closing time and the manager walked over to him and handed him the key. “Please remember to lock up. The alarm will be set once you shut the door behind you.” He felt a slight jolt of adrenaline when his manager placed the key in his hands. He couldn’t exhibit this sense of excitement because the manager would then realize that the janitor had another motive. A simple “Thank you” was all the janitor said and he reassured the manager that his museum was in good hands.

After the manger left for the evening; the janitor went to go and pay a visit to his painting. He spent fifteen minutes with it and decided it was time to get started with his work. “I’ll be back” he said out loud to the painting “I’ve got some work to do;” and he put his headphones on, plugged them into his smart phone, and started his playlist that was primarily composed of new age tango and other tranquil songs. With the soft and rhythmic beats resonating in his ear drums and the vivid vision of the painting in his head, he waxed all the floors in the museum without realizing how much time had passed. It was only the sunrise, creeping up from the east wing, that gave him a warning that it was only a short matter of time before the other employees started arriving to the museum. He quickly finished the rest of his route, stored all the equipment away, and circled back to his painting.

He stared at the painting like he trying to peel off each layer of paint to see what was hiding behind it. “I want to understand you” he said to the painting. “What for?” he imagined it replied; “So I can better understand myself.” He wanted to learn about its origin, how it came to exist, the journey it traveled, what it had witnessed, and what the artist felt when he painted it; all of these questions flowed through him. Why was this painting so much different than all of the others?

Even though he wasn’t always in front of the painting, its image was seared into his memory. He could not go long periods of time without thinking about it. It occupied his every thought and it was out of his control; he was enchanted. He was entirely focused and completely distracted at the same time. He felt more content with his work, more confident in his step, and higher than any substance could help him achieve. Lack of focus was the least of this poor janitor’s concern; he had a real and powerful source of inspiration for the first time in his life. He was motivated to achieve goals he never knew existed within him. He was no longer interested in impressing his superiors or gaining the respect of others. He knew his work was impressive; he did not need the reassurance of another to know that. After all, being a good janitor doesn’t necessarily qualify someone as an elite member of society, but the confidence that this painting invoked on him made him feel like he could conquer the world. He aspired to be a better version of himself. In an extraordinary way, a simple oil-on-canvas brought out the best man in him. It ignited a powerful set of feelings and emotions within him that were once dormant… It burned him with passion.

On some occasions he would talk about the painting with others; family, friends, coworkers, etc. He was curious to see if they found it as beautiful or interesting as he did. “What would they think if I told them I couldn’t stop dreaming about this painting; that it has the power to motivate me?” He didn’t want anyone to question his mental soundness so he kept the majority of his feelings to himself. How was he supposed to tell others that he was falling in love with a painting? He knew that it was impractical and that some people would likely think he was crazy. He was curious if he was the only person who truly appreciated this painting for everything that it was. Some people liked it, some people didn’t, but most of them couldn’t care less. He was the only person that truly admired everything about it, even the minor flaws that are natural occurrences in all paintings.

When it comes to artwork, it is the small cracks in the paint or flaws made by the artist that give a painting personality, character, and substance. Many talented and gifted artists are capable of creating counterfeits or replicas of great works of art, but it is the cracks and small mistakes in the originals that cannot be replicated. The steady passage of time is what gives a timeless work of art its true beauty. This inherently makes each work of art unique by nature and curators look for these small flaws and cracks to determine the true value of a painting.

Some people even went as far to criticize him for admiring such a painting. They rambled about Monet’s, Picasso’s, and Rafael’s, or more modern pieces and how superior they were to this painting. He even reached the point when he actually began to question his interest in it, moments when he thought “maybe they’re right, maybe I have to focus my attention on more popular works of art.” All of the other paintings in the museum just seemed inanimate though. They were pretty, but they lacked substance; they had no depth to them. To him, they were nothing more than an intricate placement of colors on a stretched canvas medium made popular by a small group of society that had no idea what true beauty was. No other work of art had ever given him the feeling of inspiration that this one did, and for this, he became emotionally attached to it.

As time passed, he became more and more enchanted by it and began to lose sight of its role in his life and where he physically was when he was with it; in the museum. The emotions it stirred within him were akin to being obsessed in love, but how could he fall in love with a painting, a material object? He had spent so much time with it that he failed to realize that there was a whole world outside of the bubble he was living in; a bubble where it was just him and his beautiful painting.

One night, as a special occasion, he decided to bring dinner, and some music to share with his painting. After he had finished waxing the floors for the evening, he plated the fancy meal he had prepared, poured himself a glass of wine, and with the sweet sound of the violin playing from his little radio he began to drink and dine in front of his lovely painting. The more he drank, the more he talked to it, out loud, telling it all of his dreams and aspirations; telling it how much it motivated him and how thankful he was for it. As he got more drunk, his gestures and words were filled with even more passion. In his drunkenness, he rambled on and on, and the more he talked to it, the hotter the urge to touch it burned within him.

He approached the painting and raised his hand slowly towards it. With the back of his index finger he gently caressed the canvas and it was as if his senses had just been awakened. It was exhilarating to him, he had never touched it before, and this just amplified his feelings. He was not only intoxicated by the alcohol, but the emotions he felt running through him were also clouding his judgment. He had stopped eating, his bottle ws empty, and he just stared at it, his body slightly wading from left to right. He was deep in thought and was experiencing internal contradiction of whether he should follow the rules and do what’s right, or follow his heart. “I love you” he said to it, and he opened his arms wide, gently curled his fingers around the wooden frame, and leaned in to hug the painting and rest his head on it.

His eyes shot open and his heart stopped instantly and his face became blush red as if he had suddenly been slapped by the firm hand of reality. He knew at that very moment his dream was over; his wonderful fantasy had come to an abrupt and bitter end. The loud piercing sound of the alarms seemed to be everywhere, drowning out the sweet sounds of the violin. He flashed back through every moment he spent in front of the painting, from the day he first witnessed its beauty until now. He knew the police would be there in less than a minute so he simply stood there and stared at his painting one last time. There was an unpleasant feeling sinking within him; as if he had lost something he never truly had. He knew this would be the last time he would ever rest his eyes on it and the most disheartening thing was that he knew precisely why.

The police barged in through the entrance and he just waited there, staring and  thanking it for what it showed him, what it had opened his eyes to. And just before the police charged into the room, he saw the woman in the reflection shed a tear, “I love you too” she said to him and he cracked a small smile before he was seized. As the police carried him out of the museum, the expression on his face showed that he learned his lesson, but learned it a little too late. If only he didn’t get carried away, if he didn’t let greed and selfishness distort his reality, things would have never progressed to this bitter end. If he only learned sooner to appreciate what little bit he had, he would’ve been able to keep his painting forever, even if it would never truly be his. Even though he was fully aware that he would never rest his eyes on that beautiful painting ever again, he knew in his heart that he would never forget it and what it did to him.

Man of Steel

The first page or chapter of a story is what makes you want to continue reading; the hook. But it’s the final pages of a story that make the story a great one; one worth reading over and over again. But what is a final chapter without the rest of the book? It is just words without a context, lacking in emotion and feeling. The final chapter is only as good as the sum of the chapters before it. In order for the final pages of a story to be great, so does the rest of the story. It serves a purpose to tie together all of the loose ends, to make you feel every emotion at once, to clarify things and shed light on the story line.

You should never rush or skip straight to the last chapter because it won’t be nearly as good if you didn’t absorb the rest of the story, piecing together every little word. This post is about the final chapter of my grandfather’s story, but don’t fret because it is also a celebration of all the wonderful chapters preceding it.

***

We refer to him as Superman. “We” as in my cousins that is and “him” as in Pappou (Pa-Poo), our grandfather; a man who I’ve always believed exists without weakness, the strongest man in the world…and the coolest guy in Greece. When he speaks or tells a story people simply listen…they’re always so captivating. Everyone in Gythio (our hometown in Greece, where my roots originate, where my father was born) knows him because he practically built half of it. He’s intimidating; the type where if he laughs you laugh, but his jokes are actually funny so it makes him more down-to-earth. If the man gives you advice, you could take it blind and have full faith that he’d be right; he’s been through more shit than anyone I’ve ever met. I won’t get too deep into that but let’s just give you a quick rundown to get you into the right setting.

  • His parents were murdered when he was fifteen…along with older brother George (who my father – youngest of five – is named after)
  • He was forced to raise his four younger siblings all by himself
  • He got married at nineteen to my grandmother Dimitra (sixteen). Together they lived in a small shithole made of rocks and mud where they raise five children…they did a great job. Also, excuse my French. Shitholes can be lovely homes too
  • He was a master craftsman, making a living by helping build the town around him all while trying to build something great at home…his family
  • After finally saving enough he bought a water front property and built a beautiful house with his sons. He has three boys and two girls in case you were wondering
  • Only one of his children stayed in Greece. Three of them had left before they even turned twenty, my dad was seventeen
  • After his children left for the U.S. and Canada he pretty much just kept occupied until his grandchildren, like me, could visit him in the summers

Summers in Greece were always spent hunting octopus, gathering sea urchins on the beach, going for rides on his motorcycle, listening to his stories, getting history lessons about our family, and – my personal favorite – building things with him. He is the craftiest and most innovative man I’ve ever met. I can honestly say that this man has had a direct influence on my life, especially because of all the things he taught me while we built things together in his apothiki (shed) (Ah-po-thee-kee). His inventions and contraptions always make you wonder “How did he think of this?!?!” He could give MacGyver a run for his money. He turned a fishing reel into a paint mixer using an old phone cord, thin steel wire, and a wooden handle. Try to wrap your head around that one without your brain approaching the verge of explosion.

That’s one thing I love about him. He always stressed how EVERYTHING has an alternate use (please refer above for fishing reel to paint mixer example). Why should you be confounded to the uses the object was intended for? Make a new use for it, something that’s better for you. He taught me that I needed to be able to look at something and analyze how it worked….to take it apart in my head. Before I built something, before I put hammer to nail (or pen to paper), I had to build it in my head. I had to visualize what I was going to make. If you work through it in your head, you can work through it in practice. That was a life lesson that I learned without realizing he had taught it to me until now. Visualization pertains to more than just building crafts; it is an essential skill in any endeavor. He always made everything seem so fluid and natural, like he had made it a hundred times before that when it was actually his first attempt at constructing something. That was all due to his visualization and planning in his head beforehand.

I went to visit my grandparents in Gythio during the summer of 2012 for about eight days. I wasn’t surprised to see that my grandfather hadn’t slowed down one bit. He wasn’t out-and-about or hunting for octopus as much (he did that every single day when I was growing up, now it was more like three times a week). He still built things though, because that was always more mental than physical, but Pappou was finally getting old; it wasn’t difficult to see. Now he enjoyed lounging in an air-conditioned room and watching TV or sitting on his balcony and smoking a cigarette, watching the cars go by, thinking. What was he thinking? I’m not sure. All I know is that I’d sit there and watch him as he stared into the distance. We talked a ton during my short stay that summer, but it was those short moments of silence that I appreciated the most; those deep exhales of breathe that he took; him telling the world that he was accomplished…that he was finally able to relax. I miss those few seconds between us where neither of us would say anything because that is what made certain that he was standing there in front of me.

After we found out he was diagnosed with lung cancer I only had one thing on my mind; that I HAD to go and see him one last time. It wasn’t even eight months after I saw him – how could it be possible? How long was the cancer there for? How much longer does he have to live? Did Superman find his kryptonite? There were so many questions to ask but I was only concerned with one. Who was coming with me? I was going alone or with a pack, it didn’t matter to me…I WAS GOING. I managed to round up my brother and a few of my cousins and go to Greece for five days with the sole purpose of seeing our grandfather for one last time. Our parents (who had gone to see him already) didn’t want us to go but we stubbornly persisted and booked our tickets anyway. Stubbornness, persistence, and ambition are just a few of the many characteristics that run in our family all thanks to Pappou.

We arrived to Gythio late on Thursday night so we went to say hi to Yiayia (grandma) and then went straight to our hotel to go to bed. The next day we got up and went over to Yiayia and Pappou’s house to see the family; a loud (and I mean LOUD) mix of cousins, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters. It was the first time so many of the cousins had been there together, we usually went at different times.

Yiayia made the most delicious home cooked meal I’ve ever had (Yiayia’s cooking is ALWAYS the best meal I’ve ever had…God know she feeds you like you won’t eat for another six weeks). She told us that after we were finished eating, we would all go and see Pappou together. I was nervous, I wasn’t sure how I would react or what to expect. After our early dinner we all packed into two cars and drove to go and see Pappou. We were all quiet. Even the cousins who had already seen him weren’t saying much. I always try to smile or talk in these situations to help lift everyone’s mood (I’m the talkative cousin) but even that was hard to do.

I froze when I saw him. I couldn’t believe he was there in front of me. It was overcast outside and the weather wasn’t what I was generally used to. Who would’ve thought it gets cold in Greece in mid-April. He smiled at me and said “I was wondering when you were coming. You look A-Okay.”

“Thank you Pappou” I replied. I couldn’t say a word. There was a huge lump in my throat that was blocking any words from coming out. Seeing that I was having trouble expressing myself he continued.

“Have you been working hard?” he asked me. He knew the answer to the question but he asked it anyway.

“Always” I replied. He and my father (they’re the same person) always told me that I needed to work hard and stay smart; that’s it. Everything else would work itself out. I finally managed to spit a few words out of my mouth.

“So how much longer do you think you’ll be around?” I asked. I knew the answer to the question but I asked it anyway.

He let out a small chuckle, looked me square in the eyes with that assertive gaze of his and said “Always.”

At that moment I felt my heart weigh down into the depths of my stomach, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. As strong as I always wanted to seem to my grandfather I couldn’t prevent that tear from escaping and trailing down my cheek. The corners of my mouth uncontrollably began to push themselves downward. It pained me to see him like that. And just then, without warning, he spread his wings and shot straight up into the sky right before my eyes revealing the tombstone behind him where his body lay six feet underground, as cold as steel, because my grandfather died two days after I booked the tickets to Greece so I never got the chance to see him one last time. I only had the opportunity to write about what it “would’ve” felt like during my plane ride home but it’s not the same. This wasn’t a story but a tribute. I’m sorry I fibbed, but I had to get you to listen somehow.

Cheers to one of the strongest, smartest, and coolest men I’ve ever known.

1927-2013

I love you Pappou

Image

Catching the Sunset [Short Story]

Catching the Sunset

By: Stamatis Kakleas

“It’s getting late. Where are you?” she asked him through the phone. “You said you would be here to watch the sun set with me.” He promised his best friend that he would visit her for Memorial Day weekend at her summerhouse near Greenport on the North Fork of Long Island. He was your typical Brooklyn “badass” and didn’t really have much care for the consequences of his actions and was always getting himself into trouble. He craved attention, whether it was the good kind or the bad kind.  Memorial Day weekend had always been the first weekend to many great summers; the two of them had so many great times there. Since he forgot to keep his promise he was invited to go and stay there the weekend after; it was more of an order from her than it was an invite though. “I will be there in time for the sunset. Don’t worry” he replied to her with a laugh. “How are you getting here? I hope you know that the sun sets around 7:20 and Brooklyn is a two-and-a-half hour drive. You owe me a sunset. You’re such a dick you know that!” He looked at his watch and it was 6:04. “And you’reeeee a bitchass…hold on a sec” he told her as he plugged his headset into his phone, put the ear buds in his ears, and proceeded to put on his helmet. “I’m taking the Ducati. I’ll see you in an hour. Relaaaax!” She was instantly enraged; “Don’t tell me to relax!!! AND IF I SEE YOU HERE IN AN HOUR I WILL KILL YOU!” There was a short pause… “Please drive safely” she said, “I don’t care if you miss the sunset. Just get here and we’ll light a fire instead.” “YES motherrr! By the way… the sun sets around 7:40 today” he said with a mischievous grin on his face, “soooooo I’ll see you in an hour and a half.” “I TOLD YOU THAT IF I SEE Y-.” He hung up the phone before she could yell his ear off anymore.

He put the phone in his breast pocket and zipped up his jacket. He took one good look at his bike and smiled. It was a beautiful shiny red 2003 Ducati Supersport 1000ds. He found it on craigslist a few weeks prior and had blatantly shown it off around his neighborhood every day since then. The original owner seemed like a reliable guy and was willing to take cash in exchange for the vehicle’s title. He had been saving up for it for a while. The owner barely ever rode it and it didn’t have a single scratch on it. He was in love from the moment he first turned the ignition and felt the 1,000 cc engine rumble beneath him. The bike came with carbon fiber silencers and boasted a hefty 85.5 HP and could hit 0-100 mph in a few seconds flat. He couldn’t be happier with his purchase. His Ducati satisfied every craving and thirst for speed he could ever have; except he hadn’t been able to ride it to its fullest potential in the short crowded streets of Brooklyn. Being that this would be his first long trip he decided it was time to see what his baby can do. He felt his phone vibrate. It was probably his friend texting him some mindless nonsense so he decided to ignore it. He stretched a leg over the bike’s saddle, flipped the ignition switch and put the bike in first gear. He peeled away quickly and the only things visible as he zoomed off were his bright tail lights and the letters ‘ICANFLY’ printed on his license plate.

There was traffic on the Belt Parkway going east. It was bumper to bumper for as long as the eye could see but that didn’t matter because all he had to do was weave in between all the cars. Even though he was beating the average speed, he was still going too slowly if he was planning on making it there in time for the sunset. Once the construction zone came to an end he had some more free space so he sped up a little bit more. There were still too many cars on the road to really top out but he was going dangerously fast for the amount of traffic around him. Coming within inches of the cars was such a thrill to him, he felt a jolt of adrenaline flow through his veins every time he had to react to a car that switched lanes too quickly. He was a few exits into the Southern State Parkway by now and only a few more minutes until he reached the Long Island expressway. He knew once he hit the expressway he would be able to speed his way over to his friend’s house in record time but when he finally reached it there were cops everywhere. He had never seen so many police cars and motorcycles on an expressway. He couldn’t afford to speed, there was no way he could outrun those Suffolk county troopers. The last thing he needed was to call his friend from jail because he got arrested. He decided to slow it down until he saw the road clear up ahead of him. He was sixty minutes in and he still had about an hour to go (going the speed limit that is).

Now he was in Riverhead; a shopping area over packed with street lights, pedestrians, and patrol cars. Riverhead was at least forty-five minutes from her house but he was determined to surprise her. He owed her this. He always made empty promises to her and never put her first when it came to anything. He finally made it to the traffic circle in the middle of Riverhead and turned his way up towards Sound Avenue. It was officially a straight shot to Southold beach and it was only twenty miles away. It was finally time to put his motorcycle to the test. Once the light changed he shifted gears and quickly accelerated. Within a few seconds he was topped out at 130 mph. 130 mph doesn’t seem like much when you’re in a car or a plane, but on a motorcycle it’s a completely different experience. It’s just one huge adrenaline rush and he was addicted. He was shooting past cars and intersections at a lightning fast speed and he couldn’t afford to stop. He had to make it there in time to see the sunset with her.

In the distance he saw a street light turn yellow and he had to stop. So he let go of the throttle and pressed the clutch so he could downshift but his clutch was jammed and for some reason when he let go of the throttle the motorcycle didn’t slow down. He tried the clutch again to put the motorcycle into neutral but it wasn’t budging and the motorcycle was still going 130 mph. He blew passed the red light and his heart started racing. Luckily there were no cars coming that could have potentially turned him into feta cheese. He couldn’t hit his breaks because at 130 mph the pads would simply be ripped off and then he would have no way to stop even if he was able to. He began to panic; whether his hand was on the throttle or not he was still going three times the speed limit. He had to focus because he knew there would be more lights ahead of him or worse…oncoming traffic.

After he blew the second red light he realized that there was no slowing down and that he probably would kill himself on this motorcycle. If the slightest thing went wrong he would be dead before he could even blink. He was helpless and had no idea how to stop so he decided to call his friend because he wanted to say his last words to her. He pressed the button on his earpiece and said “redial” into his microphone. The call went straight to voicemail. He shook his head in grief; he was going to have to leave her a message. As he heard the automated system in his ear he thought about how he was going to phrase his final words. He exhaled and just went for it.

*Please leave your message after the tone*

Hey doll…It’s me. I wish I was calling you to tell you that I’m stuck in traffic or that I picked up some giant marshmallows and chocolate graham crackers for our fire tonight…I know chocolate graham crackers are your favorite. I really did try to make it there in time for the sunset and before I continue I just want to say I’m sorry. By the time you get this…Well…I don’t know how to say this…but… this might be… this is probably the last time you’ll ever hear from me. I decided not to listen to you and I tried to make it out here in time for the sunset. I guess you can say that I wanted to surprise you because I haven’t really done anything nice for you lately. It’s too late for this but I think I should’ve listened to you more often in general if you want to know the truth. Anyway, you’re probably wondering why I’m leaving you this message. Long story short; my throttle is locked in place and I’m stuck going 135 mph on Sound Avenue. Assuming I don’t crash, one of two things can happen; I’m either going to run out of gas or I’m going to run out of road. Considering I filled my tank in Brooklyn it’s most likely going to be the latter. I would’ve preferred to hear your voice one last time but I guess this message will have to do. Here goes nothing.

You’re the only person that has tolerated my bullshit all of these years. You’re the only real friend I’ve ever had and even though I don’t say it nearly enough…I’m thankful for you. You keep my head screwed on someone right and if it wasn’t for you I know I would be worse. You are smart, funny, beautiful and a flat-out angel for putting up with me the whole time. I know I can be a shithead and I know that you don’t have to put up with me and I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being there when others weren’t and slapping some sense into me when I needed it. Anyway, I don’t want to spend my last minutes telling you how great you are. I’m calling because I want to tell you something that I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now.

You know me better than everyone. You know everything there is to know about me except for one thing…something I never told you… the way I truly feel about you…the way I’ve always felt. I’ve always wished there could have been more between us. I just never told you this because I was afraid of making things weird between us. I always sat on the sidelines and jealously watched as other guys gave you their attention. I just pretended not to care because…well… I’m an idiot.  If you ask me, I always knew I could do a better job than them anyway. I’m sorry that I tease you all the time and that I make it seem like I don’t really care. Truthfully, I care more about you than you’ll ever know. You obviously know I’m a risk junky… evidently… I’m stuck going 130 mph on a speeding red rocket. One thing I was never willing to risk though was you and that’s why I never told you. I’d rather have you in my life as a best friend than make things awkward and not have you at all. Anyway, I know this doesn’t do me any good now but I wanted to tell you anyway. Just in case you’re wondering, I made it in time. I just passed Southold beach and your car isn’t there. I guess you decided not to catch the sunset. It’s about to kiss the water and my god that’s the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen. You’re really missing out on this one

Anyway I have about five miles to go until I reach Orient Point. I have a few minutes before I get there and if you don’t mind I kind of want them to myself… you know, to think and stuff. Maybe next time around I won’t wait until it’s too late. Take care doll. I love you.

He hung up the phone and continued speeding down Sound Avenue. Suddenly he realized that 85.5 horsepower didn’t matter to him anymore. The “0-100” in a few seconds flat was no longer of interest to him. All the attention he got from obnoxiously driving his bike around Brooklyn now seemed pointless. Memories they shared kept running through his head. She was always bailing him out of trouble; always there for him when others weren’t, and was always the only person who ever truly cared about him. He had spent his days always trying to impress others and now she was the only person he wished he tried to impress. He was about a mile away from the end of the road and he still hadn’t slowed down one bit. He only had a little over thirty seconds left until the end of the road. That’s when he saw her car in the distance; her obnoxious lime-green Volkswagen Beatle. She only went to catch the sunset in Orient point when she was sad or something was really upsetting her. Maybe she went there because of him. Maybe she knew he wouldn’t make it to her in time. Maybe the entire time she expected that he wouldn’t keep his promise. His eyes started to swell and a tear trickled down his cheek until it was absorbed by the fabric inside the helmet. All he wanted to do at that instant was to make everything up to her; fulfill all of those empty promises he had made in the past. It was too late for all of that so he did the only thing he could possibly do; brace himself for the crash ahead that would soon end his life.

“Fuck it” he said as he quickly approached the end of the road, “Let’s see what this baby can do!” He figured if he was going to die anyway, why not try to go faster. At this point his friend turned around because she heard his motorcycle in the distance. He saw her jumping up and down and waving her arms feverishly at him; she probably hadn’t heard the message yet. She had no idea that he was about to crash right before her eyes. By the time she ran over to him there would be nothing left except for scraps of metal the size of a baseball. He jerked his wrist back so he could speed up and the throttle unexpectedly unlocked. To his surprise the motorcycle began to slow down. He shifted the bike into neutral and hit his breaks; he was in the utmost relief. Once the bike was in full stop and turned off he just dropped his arms to the side and his helmet hit the gas tank. With his body still crouched over the motorcycle he laughed and shook his head in disbelief. He was alive! He was so thankful to be alive and breathing.

He swung his right leg over the motorcycle and pulled his helmet off and placed it on the seat. As he walked towards his friend, the sun setting behind her, he could see that she had her phone up to her ear. He knew she was probably listening to the message he left and he slowed his gait to give her time to hear it. He wasn’t sure how she would react and as he watched her listen his heart started to beat faster than the moment he realized he couldn’t slow down. He was about twenty feet from her when she turned around with a confused look on her face. “Why would you leave me a message like this?” she asked him in an irritated tone.

He thought to himself “Is this bitch serious?!?! I just poured my damn heart out for her and this is how she reacts?! Well, that played out much better in my head.” “What do you mean?” he asked her, truly curious as to why she wasn’t crying at the sight of him being in front of her. She handed him the phone and while still holding her gaze he placed it up against his left ear. He let out a chuckle and a stupid grin immediately followed. He couldn’t believe his ears; the only thing he could hear was the loud sound of the motorcycle exhaust. It was a loud piercing ring and you couldn’t make out a single word; “so much for those silencers” he thought. “I can hear you talking…were you trying to say something?” she asked him. He hung up the phone and opened his arms to her for a hug. “I have great news!” he said with a smile as he looked her in her green eyes. “What’s that?” she replied. “I’m never riding a motorcycle again. You’re driving me back in that lame green beetle of yours.” She smiled and simply walked herself into his embrace.

He squeezed her with everything he had and proceeded to give her the biggest kiss on the cheek. He grabbed her by the hand and walked with her towards the shore so they could finally watch the sunset. As they walked through the sand they each pulled away until both their arms stretched out; then he would pull her back into him. He straightened his arm and pulled her close so their sides were touching. Then he swung his right arm around, grabbed her by the waist, and pulled her down with him to the sand. She screamed, he persisted, and they laughed together. With his arms wrapped around her she sat in between his legs and rested her head on his shoulder. The reassuring smell of her hair was more than worth the horrifying trip up there. The sun was setting in front of them and the sky was like a shaded canvas of yellow, orange, red, and purple. It was a timeless moment. “What we’re you saying in the message? I know you were talking” she asked him one last time. He smiled as he stared deep into the horizon, “Don’t worry about it”. She smiled and they proceeded to watch the sunset together. He finally kept his promise.

THE END

The Shooting Star [Poem]

The Shooting Star
By: Stamatis Kakleas

Without warning you broke the horizon, catching my eye

Stealing my attention from everything in sight

No one was around to judge, so I stared up high

Surrounded by darkness, you provided me light

I was speechless in awe, as you made your way by

The sensation you gave, I cannot describe

Your beauty, your magnificence, they lit up my sky

You wouldn’t be there for long and I knew why

Because you’re a shooting star in the dim of the night

So I made a wish…I wished I could fly

To be able to chase you, to catch you I’d try

And then;

Without warning you vanished, never saying goodbye


One of my posts, ‘Curveballs and Shooting Stars’, was actually based off this poem I wrote. I was just sitting there one day thinking about the various curve-balls life throws at us and that is when it dawned on me that certain phenomena can’t simply be deemed as ‘curve-balls’ and deserve a more majestic title.

Save Your Last Breath

This is a story about a boy; an asthmatic and overweight eleven year old from Brooklyn who decided to join his local Boy Scout troop with his first cousin. They were the same age and always did everything as a team, things weren’t about to change. So they jumped in line with the troop, silently promising each other they would not let the one another fall.

Summer camp was around the corner and the boy’s doctor prescribed him an emergency albuterol inhaler that he was to carry with him at all times, just in case he had an acute asthma exacerbation (asthma attack). He never had an asthma attack before, but it was better to be safe than sorry. He was officially stocked and ready to go.

While at camp the troop participated in all the events and activities the camp had to offer, but one of many things that separated this troop from the rest was the early-morning physical training. At the break of dawn each day the scouts would engage in a morning exercise. The boy and his cousin lined up, side-by-side, as always. His cousin was the more athletic one and had no trouble keeping up with the drills and the boy used this as motivation to push himself harder.

After the drills the troop would go for a jog around the camp grounds. The boy was already tired but he got in line with his cousin anyway. No more than a mile into the jog the boy began to feel a shortness of breath come on. This had never happened to him before but he decided to ignore it; he had to keep up with the troop. It wasn’t long before he started wheezing, he was experiencing his first ever asthma attack. He began to panic when he realized his air way had shrunk to the diameter of a straw. Gasping for air he remembered his pump and used it as his doctor instructed. Within a few minutes he was able to catch his breath and return to normal.

One of the leaders instructed someone to escort the boy back to base camp. “NO!!” demanded the young boy, “I don’t want to stop running.” The patrol leaders were left speechless at this boy’s ambition but were skeptical to let him run again, they were obviously concerned for his health. “I’ll just run back myself if you won’t let me” said the boy as he walked back to the front of the line, next to his cousin. The leader shook his head in disbelief and gathered the troop so they could jog back to basecamp together.

Each day after that, the troop would run until the boy had his asthma attack. Shortness of breath and wheezing became a daily routine. He was able to control himself during his attacks and most importantly he learned to never panic. He would take note of where each attack took place and each day he would fight off the next one until he was past his mental marker. He officially became the troop’s half-way point and with each run, that point would grow further and further from base camp; he would never settle for anything less.

By the end of his third summer camp his asthma was obsolete. He really had to push himself to his limits for as much as a single wheeze. He had officially won his battle against asthma…or so he thought. For his fourth summer camp, the troop decided to try something new. Instead of going to the usual camp for two weeks they decided to journey to New Mexico to take part in a ten-day, 102 mile trek through the mountains. The camp was at a much higher altitude than what these scouts were used to (8,000 feet above sea level). Higher altitude meant thinner air, which meant less oxygen by volume, which meant you had to take more breaths for the same amount of oxygen; not the ideal atmosphere for an asthmatic. This was high adventure at its finest and only the most physically fit scouts qualified. The two cousins made the cut.

On their first day they did not do any hiking. They simply went through an orientation and prepared for the next ten days. The troop was split into three separate crews and by chance, the cousins were separated. They would reside in the same camps but the only time they would be separated was when each individual crew was hiking and had water duty. They accepted their fate and retired for good night’s sleep before they set forth in the morning.

The boy was cognizant of the high altitude and change in air pressure and wondered how being 8,000 feet above sea level would affect his asthma symptoms. So on the first day of the trek he purposely pushed himself to induce a controlled asthma attack so he would know what to expect and how to react just in case. He recovered, as usual, and proceeded to take his adventure head on. It wasn’t until day seven that he felt challenged. It was the longest hike he’d ever been on, clocking in at fifteen miles total for the day. On top of that, his crew had water duty that evening and the nearest fill station was three miles away. Once he arrived to camp, the water crew was given a half hour to rest before they made the secondary hike down to the watering hole. The asthmatic boy’s cousin saw the weariness in his eyes and decided to tag along even though his crew did not have water duty; he didn’t mind another six-mile hike.

Once they arrived to the watering hole, they rested for a few minutes and then began to hike back to base. After a day long trek and three-mile hike for water the boy was fatigued; but he had to carry his three gallon jug back to camp. He ignored any signals that he should rest and continued forward; insisting to everyone that he was fine. About halfway through the return trip he felt it; the familiar onset of an asthma attack. As always, he continued until it was inevitable, his asthma attack would be the only thing that would stop him. Once he began wheezing, he put the water jug down.

At first, it seemed like a regular asthma attack. What he had failed to recognize was that even though he already had a minor attack earlier that week, his elevation at the time was 4,000 feet higher; which meant there was even less oxygen by volume in the air. Halfway through his attack he noticed that he was not catching his breath the way he normally would; no amount of air seemed to be enough. And that’s when he remembered that it is not about how much air you inhale, but how much oxygen your blood absorbs per breathe. He tried signaling that this wasn’t normal, shaking his head in fear. His albuterol pump was not helping and for the first time ever during an asthma attack he was afraid. He was way past the halfway point and was approaching suffocation.

As he panicked for breathe, he stared his cousin in the eyes, sure it would be the last time he ever saw him. His cousin had the most disappointing look of failure spread over his face, feeling like he did not live up to their promise; the promise of never letting each other fall. He didn’t know how to react; they simply stared at each other as the boy was approaching his final breaths. His vision began to tunnel and all peripherals were fading to black. He couldn’t speak as he fought for air, unable to say his finals words. “You didn’t fail me” he thought.

It wasn’t until he saw a tear trickle down his cousin’s cheek that he was able to work up the courage to catch his breathe. “NOT NOW!” he thought, “I can’t leave my teammate yet! We have to finish this adventure we started” as he forced himself out of his trance. He snapped out of it and began to relax, running through his regular recovery routine. After a few minutes he was back to normal, except this time he took a look around, appreciating everything that surrounded him. “We thought you were a goner on that one” said his cousin. The boy smiled and replied “I just did it to make you cry” and then they got back into formation and continued their hike back to the camp ground.

Success in life is relative to how you respond to failure. The greatest indication of character is how someone reacts during times of panic and distress. Refusing to fall victim to your greatest fears requires the highest degree of courage. I was moments away from my last breath and all I could think at the time was “I am not giving up now; not yet.” What would you think about if you were approaching your second to last breath?

PS: That was the last asthma attack I ever had.